Amanda's brother's 21st last night... was good fun. That family is always host to the most wonderful, extravagant parties. A beautiful buffet of delectable meats, vegetables and salads, followed by deserts including custard-filled pastries, rum balls, rich mud cake and whipped mousse. An ice sculpture by the pool, above which stood the DJ. A bar churning out free pina colada and mango dacqueris, and a whole host of young beautiful wogs with dark hair and bright eyeshadow. In the living room, the Christmas tree sparkled while tables decked out with splendid cream-and-gold tablecloths and elaborate centrepieces bore the older guests.
Last week our choir sung in a Carols Service, and it was such a lovely experience, I really enjoyed it. From the vestibule we sang Aspiciens a longe which rang out into the hall, then as we walked down the aisle in our maroon robes, we sang the plainsong melody O Come Emmanuel. Personal highlights were the beautiful arrangement of Stille Nacht that we sang, as well as Hark the Herald Angels Sing and O Come All Ye Faithful (sung as we exited). Afterwards we had "choir sculls" in the tower, a college tradition which was a lot more fun than I was expecting it to be. An exercise rife with tradition, in fact, such as that freshers may not be speaken until spoken to. Later on in the night we played Never Ever, and the usual round of sex stories emerged.
Even though D is still very dear to me, seeing him sometimes leaves me feeling deeply upset, and not simply because he makes rude remarks to me. More because he reminds me of so many aspects of school I was relieved to leave behind- the importance of being "cool," the glamourous and utterly cliquey world of theatre, the competitive nature of the latter- whereby you haven't succeeded unless you've outshone everyone else. Things that seem all the more horrible now that I am free of them (at least to a significant extent). Talking to him I am thrown back into this dazzling world and emerge feeling desperately depressed, as though drained by overstimulation. I loved school, but god, the way it was presided over by mini kings and queens unaware of the smallness of what they were doing... and yet that was far from the worst part of it- for everyone's own world appears big to them, that's natural- the worst part is that you as the onlooker are sucked into the overimportance of it all, and sometimes struggle to maintain a sense of perspective. And all, all in pursuit of glory, glory, glory. Even a thorough atheist could sense that a human being should never be glorified as a God... gloria is what we sing in our choir hymns and anthems to God, and whether you believe in him or not, he reaps glory for who he is; a person can only reap glory for what they do, and that is ridiculous and shallow and terrible for those not glorified.
In January I am going to Nepal and India, which I am dearly looking forward to. And dear God, I hope that Earnest takes place eventually!